


Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance

by eledhwenlin



Category: Panic At The Disco
Genre: Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-16
Updated: 2010-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-14 07:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon wants to take an infant CPR course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Gemmi999 who mentioned the premise on Twitter and I couldn't help myself and write it. I just had this one short scene etched into my mind and I figured that, hey, this would just be like 1k, right? Right. Except then it wanted to a plot and I can't write something without properly motivating the mood and actions of the characters, so here we go.
> 
> Thanks go to Sansets and Zeenell for looking this over when I was panicking and telling me it didn't suck. Special thanks to Sansets who then also betaed it and helped me make it much better in the process. ♥
> 
> All remaining errors are my own.

Spencer is grumpy. He is completely entitled to be grumpy because here he is, awake at 8am on a Saturday morning, waiting in front of the local chapter of the Red Cross in Santa Monica, just because Brendon has gone crazy.

It started innocently. If Spencer had had the slightest inclination to believe that this was about to happen, he'd have said no immediately, when Pete called on Monday to ask if Spencer and Brendon could watch Bronx the weekend after next - their usual babysitters were all unavailable and, really, they'd be doing Pete and Ash a great favor. But he hadn't and he didn't. Spencer's babysat his own sisters and other neighborhood kids often enough and Brendon has this huge family where someone always has a baby or a toddler. Kids love Brendon and they obey Spencer, so there shouldn't have been any problems whatsoever.

Except Brendon's gone insane. Which is why Spencer's here, waiting for their stupid infant CPR course to start because Brendon has decided that they need to be prepared. Spencer's pretty sure that if Bronx managed to survive this long living with Pete, the likelihood of something going horribly wrong in the few hours they'll spend at Pete and Ashlee's is pretty small. But Brendon insisted. And now they're here. Spencer maybe hates him a little bit because while Spencer's clutching his venti Peppermint Mocha with extra shots and barely keeping his eyes open, Brendon's actually awake and bouncing all over the place. Spencer thinks this is highly unfair.

Brendon has yet to explain why exactly he thinks they need this. Whenever Spencer asked him, he wheedled his way out of the question - although, in hindsight, Spencer had been trying to convince Brendon that it was unnecessary at the same time, which was not the best strategy ever. At some point Brendon just left, saying: "But if something happens, you'll only have yourself to blame." Spencer knows when he's fighting a losing battle. It was easier to just give in.

Of course, that was before Brendon shared the important piece of information that their course was a) taking place on Saturday and b) started at 8am.

And their instructor is _late_. Spencer stares mournfully at his coffee and wishes he'd taken an additional shot in it. He is still contemplating the injustice of it all (Ryan never dragged Spencer out of bed that early, except that one time and that was totally an emergency) when Brendon touches his elbow and says, "There's someone coming."

Spencer turns and squints at the person coming their way. He hopes that this will turn out to be their instructor because the entrance is still locked and Spencer wants to be somewhere where he can sit down and have more coffee.

"Hi!" says hopefully-instructor-person, way too cheerful for this early in the morning. Spencer wishes he wasn't such a pushover for Brendon. "Sorry, I'm late, but I got off-shift late and, well, y'all know how it is." Spencer wants to say that, no, he really, really doesn't, but she opens the door and finally they can get out of the morning sun. Slowly they file in - besides Brendon and Spencer there are a few couples who are obviously expecting their first baby and some teenagers who look about as excited to be there as Spencer feels.

They are led to a room where the chairs are already arranged in a circle. While everybody finds a place, their instructor puts down a box with props and cleans the whiteboard. When they have settled down, she turns to beam at them. Only Brendon and some of the women return her enthusiastic smile and Spencer thinks it figures that he's trapped in a room with someone that insanely happy for the entire day.

"My name is Jeanne," she starts and in the following minutes Spencer learns that: she's a pediatric nurse; she's late because a newborn developed a fever just ten minutes before the end of her shift; she's really psyched to teach them how to perform first aid on an infant because it's important to know and most people underestimate the necessity of this, while they worry about completely ordinary things (some kids just take longer to do one thing or another); and: Brendon takes this fucking seriously. Spencer lets Jeanne's southern accent wash over him ("I'm from Atlanta, but deserted to LA for college," she tells them with a wink and, wow, that's a piece of information Spencer has absolutely no use for), but when she gets into her little rant about how some people worry more about much fat their child is ingesting than making sure their home is child-proof (80% of all accidents happen at home!), Spencer sniggers quietly and leans over to Brendon to heckle and ... Brendon shushes him. Brendon _shushes_ Spencer and frowns at him and then leans forward to hear Jeanne better. Spencer stares and is totally flabbergasted. Brendon lets his leg fall against Spencer's, though, and that mollifies him.

After Jeanne's done ranting, she apologizes for her rant, which is somewhat cute, Spencer has to admit. Then she completely destroys all of the goodwill Spencer's been able to build up for her by making them introduce themselves and explain why they're here. Spencer doesn't think that _he made me_ while pointing to Brendon would make a good statement. As expected, the expecting parents want to be prepared. The teenagers have been pressured by their parents into taking the course before they'll let them start babysitting. Both girls think that's unnecessary, but Jeanne immediately sides with their parents. When it's Brendon's turns and he says his name, the girls lean forward and scrutinize them, as if to make sure they're not mistaken here and Spencer wants to hide. He can just imagine the blog posts that will flood the internet tonight and again Spencer doubts his sanity for taking this course.

Brendon quietly and seriously explains that they're doing this for a friend and to be prepared because one never knows and then he gets into this whole dialogue with Jeanne about properly taking care of other people's babies. By the time they're done, Spencer just says his name and that he's with Brendon. As soon as the words have left his mouth, he cringes inwardly because he can see everybody else thinking that, oh, he's _with_ Brendon and talk about poor word choice. Brendon, however, does not seem bothered in the slightest.

The two teenagers immediately start whispering to each other and Spencer's stomach turns when he imagines what they might think and what they'll find on the internet tomorrow. Spencer and Brendon are gay for each other! They are taking care of babies! Are they maybe even, OMG, ADOPTING A BABY OF THEIR OWN?!?!

Spencer slides down in his chair and wishes he were anything but here.

The course starts by being incredibly boring. First they talk a lot about eliminating sources of danger, a lot of which comes down to normal common sense in Spencer's opinion, but apparently there are people who need to be told not to keep cleaning supplies where children can reach them. And to put away scissors and knives in drawers. Spencer can't quite bite back all comments on the stupidity of people, but Jeanne saves him from Brendon's wrath by agreeing with him. And she keeps sending friendly smiles at them and Spencer's stomach sinks when he realizes that Jeanne also thinks that Brendon and Spencer are a couple, even if she doesn't know exactly who they are. Because she winks at them and mentions like five times that taking this course is not required for adoption papers, but totally helps. It's kind of embarrassing for one hour, slightly annoying for the second one and then he decides to see it as increasingly funny because Brendon, well, Brendon does nothing at all to indicate that he's anything more than just Spencer's bandmate and friend. Brendon keeps leaning into Spencer's space and pointing out details and they have this entire conversation about whether environmentally cleaning supplies are better and safer than the usual ones and whether Spencer thinks Brendon doesn't take good care of Bogart. They miss the segment on how to make sure that their shelves are standing firm and can't fall over and crush their (hypothetical) kid, but Jeanne just smiles at them.

Somehow Spencer thought that an infant CPR course would involve more CPR, but Jeanne talks a lot about preventing accidents and how to keep your home danger-free. One hour before their lunch hour they finally move on to the actual helping the kid part.

Jeanne takes out a dummy baby and suddenly this feels a lot more real to Spencer. She passes it around, "so you get a feel for it". The dummy is small and squishy, heavier than Spencer suspects, but which Jeanne tells them is the average weight of a six month old baby, and its neck is supposed as weak as a newborn's which means the head is pretty much just flopping around. Spencer holds the dummy for a moment, thinks _this could be a real kid_ and feels slightly queasy when he passes it on. The course isn't as funny anymore afterwards because Spencer can still feel the weight of dummy on his arms, bigger than the dolls his sisters had, but somewhat more real. It doesn't make the next exercise any easier.

Jeanne demonstrates what to do when your child chokes. Spencer thinks it's pretty horrifying. He didn't expect to there to be as much thumping. Jeanne actually has two dummies and she passes them both around. It's Brendon's turn before Spencer's and after a moment of just looking at the dummy, Brendon goes through the motions before gingerly holding out the dummy for Spencer. Spencer does not want to do this, but he takes it anyway. His hands are slippery and he fumbles with it for a moment until Brendon takes charge and firmly puts the dummy into his hands. Brendon's hands are hot, but dry, and it doesn't strike Spencer as particularly weird that he notices this right then. After Brendon's sure that Spencer won't let the dummy drop, he moves back to his chair, but he sits closer than before and is a comfortable, warm weight against Spencer. Resolutely Spencer puts his mind on the task at hand and does not dwell on that.

Spencer does exactly what Jeanne told them - he checks whether the dummy ( _baby_ ) is breathing. He carefully lays the baby on his arm, cradling its face in his hand, so its neck is supported and slowly tilts his arm. He hesitates a moment before he gently thumps on the baby's back because its legs keep brushing his arm and it's just weird to hold a baby like this. _It's not real_ , he tells himself, and _this is stupid_ , but that doesn't help at all. Jeanne hums at him disapprovingly and makes him repeat the exercise again because "if you do it like that, your baby's dead before you're done." He's not the only one to be hesitant, so Spencer thinks it's undue attention before he realizes that Jeanne's also making the other repeat the exercise. It's not much of a comfort.

By the time they finally break for lunch, Spencer's about done with this shit. He's one of the first out of the room, needing space and air, and outside he blinks against the sudden glare of the sun. He pretty much just wants to go home. Brendon and he go for sandwiches and eat in silence. It's close to the end of their lunch hour, when Brendon speaks up. "We can leave, if you want", he suggests. "We don't have to stay."

Spencer wants to say yes - yes, let's leave and forget about this. But then he looks at Brendon - really looks at him and it gives him reason to pause. Because Brendon is very carefully examining his plate, as if the crumbs there held the answer to every question, and he is still except for his fingers, which keep drumming a fast rhythm on the tabletop, and his leg, which is jiggling under the table, brushing against Spencer's every now and then.

Spencer doesn't want to go back, but Brendon obviously does, and, well. Brendon's the only reason Spencer's here in the first place and he can't bring himself to say no, although he still doesn't really understand why Brendon wants or needs this.

So they go back and they sit through the rest of the CPR course. Chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation feels even worse than the choking exercise since the dummy is so fucking small (Spencer's hand about covers its entire chest). Spencer is by far not the only person who seems completely weirded out, but he is at least the only person Brendon is comforting. It's as close to a hug as they can be while still sitting next to each other: Brendon's fitted himself against Spencer's side and is more or less leaning completely against him. They've sat like this countless times, watching videos in someone's living room or on the tour bus, just chilling before an interview or a show, and it's innocent really. It doesn't mean anything (or at least that's what Spencer would like to think - there are just some things you don't touch and thinking about Ryan still hurts). They've done this since they were 16, but right now it seems anything but simple. The teenaged girls are eying them carefully and Spencer cringes slightly. But even the outlook of being bombarded by Pete with "funny stories I read on the internet" is not enough to make Spencer dislodge Brendon from his side. It's comfortable and familiar and Spencer should get at least something out of today.

He does not think too much about why exactly Brendon makes this all worthwhile. It's a whole other can of worms, one he's not ready to open yet. He files it in the same box where he stores his reasons why he didn't follow Ryan (okay, musical differences, that one's totally true, but it's only of his motivation and for something he's decided not to ponder he sure spends a lot of time thinking about it). Spencer pushes the entire jumble out of his mind and focuses on CPR (still creepy, but somewhat preferable to thinking about Brendon; it's times like this that Spencer wonders whether something is just wrong with him).

They get through the course and everyone gets a little certificate. Spencer looks at it once, stares at the words _infant CPR course_ for a minute and then resolves to file the certificate at once when they get home and to never look at it again.

The drive home is quiet. Spencer drives and he's glad for the distraction. Next to him, Brendon is quiet, but not still. He is tapping the rhythm for the song on the radio and it's strangely soothing. They don't talk at all and it's nice.

Bogart is already expecting them, barking and jumping up and down. Brendon walks him while Spencer takes the chance to nap. They're invited to Pete and Ash's for dinner and Spencer's day started a lot earlier than he's used to these days. Pete laughed like a maniac when Brendon told him about the CPR course a couple of days ago, so Spencer expects to be the butt of a lot of jokes tonight. Pete is probably never going to let them live this down.

Spencer doesn't know how long he's asleep, but when he wakes up again, it's pitch dark and he's hungry. He has a feeling that it's way past when they were supposed to turn up at Pete's house. There are warm weights against his legs and feet. One turns to be Bogart who's snuggled up to Spencer, despite all _the dog is not allowed on the couch_ rules. The other is Brendon, sprawled at the other end of the couch, hand closed around one of Spencer's ankles. He is watching Spencer carefully, obviously lost in thought, as he startles when Spencer shakes his leg.

"Hey", Spencer says, for lack of something else. He doesn't ask _why are you watching me in the dark?_ or _what are you thinking about?_ \- he's not entirely sure he really wants to know.

"Hey", Brendon replies and smiles. Not the big exuberant grin he usually wears or the fake smile that doesn't reach his eyes and is reserved for stupid interviews, but an actually happy smile, the one from when they signed their record contract or when his parents and Brendon reconciled or when Spencer made clear that he was going to stay with Brendon instead of going with Ryan. That particular smile was strained because they were losing two members of their band, after all, but even after months have passed, Spencer can't still quite believe that Brendon thought he was going to be left on his own, that Spencer would not leave Ryan, would stay with him no matter what. Brendon doesn't move his hand away from where he is still holding on to Spencer's ankle. Spencer finds he doesn't mind.

They don't say anything for a while, just watching each other. The atmosphere is filled with a particular kind of tension, the kind that both Spencer and Brendon have been ignoring for a really long time now, for different reasons (Haley, the band, Sarah, the band, their music, _can't fuck this one up_ ). Brendon's the one to break their silence, which is not surprising. "So, apparently, we're totally going to adopt a kid. A baby. The internet is full with it already." Spencer groans. "That was predictable."

Brendon smiles and nods. "Pete sends his congratulations and wants to know everything about our sordid love affair we've kept from him." That one is predictable, too. Spencer uses the chance to change the topic. "Aren't we late for dinner?" Spencer's aware that they are more than way late, that it's already past bed-time for people working a 9-5, so dinner? They are really fucking late for. Even Pete doesn't eat that late, a usually ineffective way to try and keep his insomnia at curb.

"When he called, I cancelled. I figured we maybe, uh." Brendon looks quickly away and runs his free hand through his hair. "I thought ... I don't know. I didn't want to go." Which is a total lie, Spencer knows. Brendon adores Bronx and is always game to spend some time with him and his parents. But Spencer doesn't call him on it. He just holds out his hand and, when Brendon takes it, tugs him along his side. He is aware that nothing is resolved, that at the moment everything's open and that at some point they have to talk about this thing they're doing - living and working together, not just sharing a house, but their entire lives. There's something going on between them, something that's been noticed by other people - there've been hints and knowing smiles and, depending on who it was, more or less subtle allegations. They need to address it at some point, but for tonight this is enough - Brendon snuggled close to him, apparently as content to just let this be as Spencer is, Bogart sleeping between them.

Spencer decides that tomorrow they can start to figure this out. He closes his eyes and just ... lets them be.


End file.
